When I first saw the teaser trailer for the soon-to-be released The Three Musketeers, I thought they had added a lady to the bunch.
Milla Jovovich plays Milady de Winter, and she is one of Three Musketeers. And she also is not.
Turns out, de Winter is a double agent who only joined the Three Musketeers to destroy them. According to her description on the official movie site, she is quite successful:
Embodying beauty and grace, Milady shines with a heavenly glow, winning the hearts of every man, including Athos [one of the Three Musketeers]. Yet Milady’s innocent demeanor masks an evil truth, and through deception and irresistible sexuality, the fate of Athos’ heart and that of France lies in the cold hands of a deadly assassin, a fallacy of love, the original femme fatale.
That’s a bunch of tired old baloney. It’s a bummer that de Winter is not a real Musketeer—and it’s garbage that Hollywood won’t quit recycling the overly simplistic femme fatale trope or let go of the whole virgin/whore thing.
But what really bunches my britches is de Winter’s duds.
That’s a damn silly outfit for a sword fight. Is she wearing a gown, or a Persian rug? And what kind of product keeps your curls paralyzed even during a mid-air sword fight?
Can’t a girl get some pantaloons?